Monday, March 16, 2009

...the candle still burns....


...although the spare room is filled with fuzzy little balls of wonder (foster kittens), the candle still burns in my bedroom for teatea....and will for quite some time.  I'm still wearing her collar as a bracelet and am already dreading the day when the leather gives way and I can't wear it any longer....her 2 favorite toys are still in the cat bed that we replaced after her death, because we couldn't stand to see the foot of the bed empty of her "kittycave" (sadly she had an accident in hers, so we couldn't keep it)...and the pet stairs still lead up to the bed, where she is welcome any time her new life finds her in the neighborhood.  I miss her.  It makes my heart ache how much I miss her.  I can't let myself think that I'll never see her again...I couldn't bear the pain of that....so I refuse the thought every time it tries to enter my head, choosing instead to know that somehow she is near me always....because that's where she always chose to be.  The thought of her being gone makes my heart hurt to the point of immobilizing me....but the memory of her and the knowing she's very very near makes me smile.....

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