Teatea and her gross but favorite toy "The family vet"

This post is long over due. I am still surprised every so often by a heart that still aches...one that catches me off guard with the newness of grief...but how can that be? It's been over 3 years now since Teatea left her physical place with me in this world and I've grown to love her in a deeper, less physical way. How can the feeling still be so raw at time....so timeless?  I let myself cry....to remember the funny things about her that made her Teatea.  I still torture myself with thoughts of "did I fail her?" "did I give her a good life?"....but really, what good are these thoughts? I can create anything i want in my mind to either make myself feel better or horrible.... truly even Teatea doesn't know the answers to these things, as she and I only shared one life ~ the one me made together.  And the bottom line is that I would change one dang moment about that.  I miss her with all my heart, and in my soul she stays safe and warm and loved...forever.