....2 years....and my heart still aches...but it also smiles.

I miss teatea.  It has been 2 years since I held her on that last inevitable day.  I still have a lock of her hair tucked away in a drawer that I cannot get myself to open.  I still have a sign up in my bedroom that reminds me "5 minutes does NOT erase 19 years".....as the 5 minutes of having her put down was one of the most difficult moments in my life.  I still wear her collar every day......and i miss her.  
     But now between the misses and tears there are times when the memories of teatea make me smile.  Once, just once, I felt her ginger steps across my bed at night, stopping where she stopped every night just to stare at me to see if I was asleep.  I didn't open my eyes....I just stayed with that magical feeling of knowing she was there.  It made me smile.  Do I think that was the only time she's been with me?? Not a chance in hell.....she's with me every day, always strong, always comforting.....
     I believe that the biggest challenge that anyone faces with the death of a loved one is figuring out how to move the relationship that happened with a physical presence to one without a physical presence.....it happens differently for everyone....in their own time.  I am still in love with teatea.   Every day, she brings me joy.  We're in our 21st year of the most incredible relationship.....and i miss her.