It's been awhile since my last post here....Teatea is with me every day, present in my heart, and for this I am eternally grateful. I miss her physically so much that my heart aches (and yes, I still have huge crying jags about missing her), but I have no doubt she's here. Inside my soul, as a part of me.
....so what's the title of this entry about then? Ah, well the second time. This week I had to go through another euthanasia of a pet....and after Teatea's (which I didn't feel went well at all) I was dreading it. And of course my husband was away on a trip when it became apparent it was "the day"....
Details: Stella, my 9 year old border collie/australian shepherd cross was diagnosed with lymphosarcoma in February of this year. I originally went in saying "NO CHEMO" as I thought it was like people chemo, and how do you explain to a critter that lives for the present that they're going to feel hideous for awhile but then they might feel better and live a bit longer?? You can't really....so I said no chemo.....and then learned something. For lymphosarcoma, chemo can be really effective....like 50%-80% in dogs, and there are usually no side effects. 3 pills, 3 times. That's it. After insurance, $128. Really? REALLY?? Shoot, lets go for it. Well, we did, and it extended Stella's life until last Wednesday with literally no side effects. The vet explained to me that it was because the chemo dosage levels in people are meant to cure the cancer, whereas the dosage levels in pets are just to cause a remission and hopefully extend their life. I am glad to know this now, and I will also be careful to what I rule out by medical anthropomorphizing in the future!
Onward: The euthanasia. I learned from my experience with Teatea....and am better for it. I learned what I needed to do ahead of time (give the vet specific instructions on how to approach my furry friend, have arrangements for afterwards done ahead of time, etc.) I am happy to say that I also had more of my wits about me this time. When the time came for the final injection with Stella, I made sure I was laying down next to her, face to face, on the upwind side, so she could smell that I was there as she eased into her next life. Also, instead of reciting a litany of things that I needed to say to her before she went that meant nothing to her, (you were the best dog in the world, we'll miss you we'll take care of your friend Buick, etc.) I repeated her favorite phrase over and over again with vigor and enthusiasm (which is really hard to do while you're crying, by the way) "Good GIRL Stella. Good GIRL, Stella".....until she left her silly body that quit on her way too soon. Sure I cried....blubbered is more the correct word.....but I know that I sent Stella off knowing I was pleased with her and with permission to go. So there you go. I've learned something from even the most horrible of situations. Ask questions, even when you think you can't remember them. Be solid for your furry friend....be upwind and say the things that they loved to hear, even if it sounds ridiculous while you're crying....and know that they never ever truly leave you.....
